


At Least In This Lifetime

by TheIntelligentHufflepuff



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Dorks in Love, F/M, Fluff, Friendship, Hogwarts Seventh Year, Love Confessions, Romance, Valentine's Day, teeny smidge of angst but very teeny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-16 04:55:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29448135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheIntelligentHufflepuff/pseuds/TheIntelligentHufflepuff
Summary: It was snowing. On Valentine's Day.Perfect.ORA confession via a polaroid, espionage, a pep talk or two, and some romantic but perilous snow.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin & Peter Pettigrew & James Potter
Kudos: 11





	At Least In This Lifetime

**Author's Note:**

> I do not support a certain author's bigotry in any way. This is an anti-JKR zone. 
> 
> Title from 'Me and My Husband' by Mitski which could be the soundtrack to a version of this fic which focussed more on impending doom. 
> 
> But yeah sometimes you just wanna spend your Valentine's Day evening writing the adorable teen romance you never had. And sometimes you have to recognise that just because you never had a teen romance doesn't mean you were unlovable, or that you didn't reach your full potential, or that you wasted your teen years. All things come in time, and they don't have to come at all if that's not what's going to make you happy. 
> 
> And that's all folks, tune in next whenever for more musings of an early-twenty-something getting philosophical in the ANs of a jily fic.

Lily woke up to a stiff breeze and a sharp squeal. A stone dropped into the pit of her stomach; she flipped over, frantically searching the sideboard for her wand, then ripped open the hangings of her bed. 

Mary was sat by the open window in her dressing gown, grinning delightedly at the snow swirling by. Lily slumped back onto her bed, then bolted upright again. It was  _ snowing _ . On  _ Valentine's Day _ . 

Perfect.

"Is it settling?" She asked excitedly, startling Mary a little as she did so. 

"Who cares?" Patricia grumbled from her bed near the door. Lily paid her no heed; she'd fall back asleep in seconds, and she could guarantee Dorcas had never woken up in the first place. 

"It's settling." Mary confirmed, a distinct glint in her eye. Imagining the epic snowball fight to follow, no doubt. Potentially, given they were in seventh year and the season for snow was fading, their last one. 

"Yes! Ace!" Lily enthused, settling down on the window seat next to Mary.

It was freezing cold, but as she watched the fat flakes tumble down in loops and the dusting of white creeping ever further down the dark hills in the distance, Lily felt her shoulders relax. A small, childlike smile played on her lips. Once upon a time, she'd have her wellies on already. 

The click of a shutter grabbed her attention. She frowned, but Mary simply started to shake out the polaroid with a brow cocked, challenging Lily to protest. Normally, Lily would have at least made a token effort to grab the photo out of Mary’s hands, but recently she’d been starting to understand Mary’s desire to press moments into paper. Plus, this particular moment- despite Lily’s nest of a head of hair- was quite flattering if she said so herself. And she  _ did  _ have a plan, after all. 

**** 

James sat opposite Padfoot in the Great Hall, staring morosely at his toast. Around him, couples giggled over eggs, owls dropped pretty pink cards into expectant hands, and Wormtail munched on the chocolates his own girlfriend had sent him. 

Just as James took a bite of what was now lukewarm bread, a praline hit him in the head and rolled, slightly smashed, onto his plate. 

“Just ask her out!” Pete insisted. He’d  _ been  _ insisting that since last night, with various degrees of support from their friends. 

“You know I want to-” 

“So do.” Moony interjected, not glancing up from the essay he was frantically finishing. 

“- but I can’t!” James concluded. He popped the praline into his mouth; it dissolved like a sweet, cocoa snowball, leaving a fine dusting of sugar on his teeth. 

Sirius raised an eyebrow over his coffee cup. James waited to see if they were going to be treated to  _ another _ thinly disguised jealous tirade, or whether the fact that Pete was sat with them on Valentine’s was enough proof for Sirius that getting a girlfriend did not mean pretending that everyone else didn’t exist.

“You’re only saying you can’t because you want to, but you’re too much of a coward to try.” 

“I am  _ not _ -!” 

“You  _ are _ -” 

“I could ask her out any time I-” 

“But you  _ won’t,  _ because you’re too scared of not getting what you want.” 

Pete nodded decisively and lent his approval to Sirius’ point by handing him a violet creme. 

“I’m not, I-” 

But then James couldn’t defend himself any longer because one second his nostrils were filled with the scent of freesias and the next he was startlingly aware of Lily herself sitting down on the bench next to him, so close their robes touched. So close James got an amazing view of Lily’s eyes, picked out artistically in a smudge of eyeliner and a dusting of gold and apricot, and her hair, feathered out like a woman James had seen on posters in muggle London. All told, the look did funny things to James’ heart. 

Remus plucked James’ drooping mug of tea out of his hand but he barely noticed, too busy trying to remember if he’d even managed to put his spot cream on last night. 

“Hi.” Lily smiled, softly teasing and just for him. 

Much to his consternation, his own voice came out scrambled. 

“Hi. Hello. Morning. G’day. Salut. Suprabhāta.” 

Sirius, the traitor, was pissing himself laughing by that point. Even Pete, the most sympathetic to James’ plight, was having a giggle. Or at least, James was pretty sure he was. It was a bit hard to tell over the pounding of his pulse in his (red, so incredibly red) ears. 

He tuned them out to focus on Lily. Her own smile had widened, and James didn’t think he was mistaken in inferring that the pink across her cheeks wasn’t makeup. 

_ Great.  _ He’d  _ embarrassed  _ her. 

“What was that last one?” 

“Good morning.” 

Just to torture him more, her cheeks dimpled. 

“I’d guessed. What language?” 

“Oh.” James’ hand found its way into his hair “Gujarati.” 

“Nice.” 

She grinned at him for another second. James stared helplessly back. Her expression grew rueful, eyes darting down to the stack of papers she’d put on the table, then back to his face. Personally James thought it should be illegal for her to glance up at him through her lashes like that. 

“You think this is too much, don’t you? 

“No!” James protested automatically, before abruptly realising he had no idea what they were talking about “What?” 

Lily huffed a half-laugh, tucking her hair back behind her ear as if she’d forgotten for a moment she’d styled it to do the opposite. 

“The makeup and everything.” 

“Oh! No, not at all! It’s nice.  _ Really  _ nice.” 

Lily smiled again, perking up. 

“You think?” 

James nodded. 

“I’m glad,” Lily breathed, before flipping through her papers and sticking a polaroid in his face “This is what my hair looked like this morning.” 

James looked. If the Lily in front of him was beautiful and sophisticated and brilliant, the Lily in the photo was even better- lit softly from within, full of wonder, eyes glinting with joy and goodwill, unguarded in the morning and gorgeous against the grey stone and shocking mountains.  _ That  _ was the Lily James wanted to wake up to every day. He didn’t care that he was way too young to think it. 

James smiled tightly and handed the photo back. 

“You barely notice it.” 

“Ah.” Lily took the photo slowly “That’s a relief. Do you think there’re any eggs left?” 

**** 

_ You barely notice it.  _ You barely notice it. 

Lily turned the words over again and again in her head. She was both glad and infuriated that her first two lessons, double Arithmancy, gave her plenty of time to do it. 

_ Barely notice _ . 

James meant it in a perfectly harmless way, Lily was sure of that. It was years since he’d been truly careless about others’ feelings, and she was confident in saying she was among the lucky people whose feelings James Potter genuinely esteemed. But maybe that was it. Maybe their relationship, for him, was closeness and trust and all good things in a purely platonic shape. Maybe she’d been misreading the way she caught him staring, sometimes, or smiling across the group just for her, or the way the tips of his ears reddened slightly whenever their hands brushed one too many times in Potions. 

But, no. Lily trusted her own judgment and she’d been watching James just as much, if not more, than he’d been looking at her. Watching the way he grinned, wide and proud, when his friends announced good news or a Quidditch player pulled off a difficult move. Watching the movement of his long, delicate fingers through his soft-looking hair as he sat, dappled beautifully in gold, doing work by the fire. (Imagining that grin against her lips, those fingers on her thighs, that chair in their own front room at the end of a long day in a home filled with children and pets and laughter). 

Lily would know if James treated her the same way he treated all his other friends. And he didn’t. Ergo, he’d been censoring himself because he didn’t think he could make the heart-melting comment he really wanted to. 

Comforted, Lily headed to break with a skip in her step. 

**** 

Wrapped in a silencing charm, Lily approached the little group slowly in a crouch, hidden by the low cloister wall, snowball in hand. 

“-you know she wants you to.” 

She paused, cocking her head. Lily was a ‘she’ and she very much wanted James to do something. This could be useful information. 

“But I don’t know that, do I?” James responded. He sounded so despondent it tugged at Lily’s heartstrings. Mind you, nearly everything James did tugged at them. It was like he was a violinist and Lily’s heart was the violin. 

On the other hand, she could sympathise with Sirius’ frustration when he replied. James could be so  _ stubborn  _ sometimes. 

“You  _ do _ ! We do! Everyone does! It’s blatantly obvious!” 

_ Well _ . Lily wouldn’t go  _ that  _ far. 

“FINE!” 

Lily startled and fell flat on her back. Thank God for silencing charms. 

“I know! I’m being a coward, and I know if I asked her out Lily would probably say yes, but is it even worth it?-”  _ ouch  _ “-what if she leaves?-”  _ oh _ “-What if I get some time to be together with her and then she leaves and- and then what?” 

“You’d still have your time together.” Peter responded, bless his cotton socks. Lily knew he'd been thinking of meeting Vivian for a mini-date at break, but clearly he’d decided that could wait. 

“Also, you’re seventeen, mate. Lily’s eighteen. You have all your lives to fall in love and out of love and, hell, in love again.” 

Sirius Black, bad boy indeed. 

Lily flattened herself out even more, sharing her grin with stonework only a few centuries shy of ancient. 

“But I don’t want to fall out of love.” 

_ Love! Love!  _

A shuffling of fabric which Lily presumed was someone pulling James into a hug. Remus, judging by the way his next words came out muffled. 

“James, I won’t pressure you into anything, but I really do think you should give it a go.” 

Then, clearer after another shuffling of fabric and a couple of fortifying sniffs Lily recognised as James trying not to cry: “And have you considered that  _ Lily  _ might not want to fall out of love, either?” 

_ I don’t! I don’t!  _ Lily wanted to yell.  _ I realised I was properly in love with you last year and I couldn’t look at you for a week- then I did and now I could never look away!  _

She restrained herself, and just as well. It would’ve been embarrassing to have her confession cut off by the bell. 

Lily watched the boys trudge off to their next class, Sirius swinging a fortifying arm over James’ shoulders, and stood. 

Bring on lunchtime. 

**** 

James had barely been able to concentrate in third and fourth period, plagued by their conversation at break. One moment it was all he could do to keep from grinning into his parchment, higher and lighter than a Quidditch win. Next, he was choking on a clawing anxiety, visions of his future burnt to a crisp dancing before his eyes. It didn’t help things that he shared both those classes with Lily, who kept sneaking glances at him and smiling in a sweet, excited way. Like she was expecting him to march over there and declare his undying love for her before God, the assembled, and Professor Blunderbuss’ dragon skulls. (He  _ would,  _ if she asked, because he was utterly besotted, but that was beside the point). 

When the bell finally rang for lunch he sagged in relief, shoving his parchment and quills haphazardly into his bag. The lid of the inkwell came loose as it jarred against the pointy corner of a hardback book; James swore and reached for his wand, but before he could get there the tide of black was already receding. He looked up. Lily was standing in front of him with an amused look on her face, twiddling her wand nervously. 

James’ friends were conspicuously absent. 

“Do you want to go for a walk in the snow?” she asked.

James nodded, lump in his throat. 

For ten minutes they walked in silence, dodging snowballs with varying degrees of success and catcalls with swift, embarrassed glances and a healthy dose of annoyance. Both assaults died out as they approached the lake and forged a path in virgin snow.  _ Crunch, glance. Crunch, crunch, glance.  _

With the white of the rolling lawns against her, it looked almost as if the whole world had erased itself to focus in on Lily. To James, it very often seemed as if it had. 

Actually, so what if it did? James had had a good life so far but bad times were coming. Why shouldn’t he add some good times to the mix, even if they fizzled out in time? He opened his mouth to say so, but Lily got there first. 

“James, I’m in love with you. Be my boyfriend.” 

His heart stopped, then started again and worked quickmarch to make up for lost time. 

“You are?” 

“I am,” Lily laughed, glowing “In a  _ big  _ way. I can’t believe you didn’t notice!” 

“Well,” James laughed, “I-” 

**** 

He woke up in the hospital wing. Why was he in the hospital wing? 

_ Oh no _ . He dreamt it, didn’t he? Forget whatever had happened to land him here,  _ that  _ must be the cause of the crushing weight on his chest. Pure, soul shattering disappointment. To have Lily Evans’ love seemingly in his grasp, then have it ripped away? He couldn’t think of a crueller punishment. He- 

“You’re monologuing, I see.” 

“Huh?” he startled, looking around. No-one was in sight, dusk just setting, painting the snow-encrusted treetops framed by the arched windows a lustrous purple. 

Then someone giggled. Someone who sounded suspiciously like-

“ _ Lily _ ,” James sighed, relaxing against his pillows “That’s my cloak.” 

“Well,” Lily replied, folding the invisibility cloak up primly and setting it on the clean bedsheets by his feet “I couldn’t call it a day without an answer, could I?” 

“An answer to…?” 

Lily frowned “Will you be my boyfriend?” 

James’ brows shot up “That’s the question?” 

“Yes?” 

“Yes!” 

“Yes?” 

“Yes! Definitely yes!” 

“Phew!” Lily sagged in relief. Then, to James’ utter surprise and delight, she grabbed his hand. 

Immediately upon doing so, Lily pulled a face, which was less nice. 

James sent her a questioning glance. 

“Lake gunk.” Lily supplied succinctly, as if that adequately explained the situation. 

“How?” 

“Oh!” Lily looked embarrassed “Madame Pomphrey said there may be some short-term memory loss, but it shouldn’t be too expansive. Sorry. What’s the last thing you remember?” 

“You said you couldn’t believe I didn’t notice you were in love with me.” James answered promptly. 

Tentatively, he began to run his thumb across the back of Lily’s hand. Her brows hopped on the spot in surprise, but she blushed prettily. 

“Ah. You tripped and fell in the lake. Hit your head on the ice on your way in. I had to leap in and rescue you, it was very heroic.” 

“You’re not meant to leap in to save someone from a lake.” 

“Fine,” Lily huffed “I levitated you out, and very heroically didn’t completely break down when you didn’t wake up.” 

“My saviour.” James grinned “Did someone clean the lake gunk off my face?” 

“Yes?” 

“Good.” 

Smoothly, or as smoothly as he could manage with what seemed to be a bandage around his rib, James leant in to cup the back of Lily’s neck. Her eyes widened, pupils dilating in a very satisfying way. 

“I’m assuming this is what you were looking for today?” he asked, hoping the huskiness in his voice came off as sexy. 

“And every day.” Lily confirmed, before leaning in to meet his lips halfway. 

Five minutes later they were both flushed, tingling lips pinned permanently up. James was fairly sure he would remember this until the day he died. 

Lily checked her watch, happiness dimming. 

“I’ve got to patrol later, I need tea. Also, I reckon I should probably tell your friends you’re alive.” 

James hummed pensively. 

“Maybe.” 

“Ugh, responsibilities.” Lily groaned, wrapping the cloak around herself once more. 

James could have questioned why she was bothering when curfew was still hours away, but he hoped it had less to do with what the fabric did and more who it belonged to. Plus, Lily caressed his ankle casually on the way out, so James wasn’t inclined to dwell on it. 

After a well-practiced scan for Madame Pomphrey, James dug about in his robes to find his two-way mirror- he had a lot to give an update on. 

**** 

Twenty minutes later, Lily entered the Gryffindor dormitories and squealed. 

“Merlin!” Patricia shrieked, spilling ink all over her parchment “What is your collective problem today?” 

“Sorry.” 

Patricia rolled her eyes, which was about as much of an ‘apology accepted’ as she was going to get. Impervious to a bad mood, Lily hopped onto Mary’s bed and squealed again, though quieter: “I’ve got a boyfriend!” 

“Eeek!” Mary squeaked, grinning broadly “Tell me everything!” 

So Lily did. And if she started her patrol slightly late? Well, young love. 


End file.
